Walking The Tightrope Without The Safety Net

This post is a bit more personal, but I'm going to give it a go...

I have been reading Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which I'm quite enjoying. Something in particular in this novel has stricken me - Milan writes, " Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has his family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can easily say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood." This really resonated with me, and is particularly true to my current experience in Thailand. I couldn't have come up with a more perfect analogy.

Someone once told me that I was someone who needed a safety net wherever I went. I was angered by this, because I felt that this statement made me weak, I thought, "What, you don't think I can survive without social reassurance?" Despite my immediate reaction, I think he might have been right about me at the time. I realize now that yes, my whole life I have been granted a safety net, and whenever I felt it slipping away, I made sure it stayed there. For one, I was in a relationship for years, and prior to that, I lived in the comfort of home. Last year, in the interim, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by incredible people. Even while living in Argentina (granted I did speak the language, but still another foreign experience), I created for myself a safety net of wonderful people. And really more than that... these people who are part of my so-called "safety net" are friends I know I can count on no matter what.

I think my experience so far is teaching me how to walk the tightrope without the safety net. I do not mean to say I have not met any wonderful people here, because I have, and some may become a part of my incredible web of friends who constitute my safety net. But for now at least, I am without a safety net, and please don't feel sorry for me. It's quite liberating! At first, I desperately felt the urge to recreate some sort of a social web of reassurance for myself here, but last Saturday, I got into a minor (do not fret) car accident, which made me stop and think about this for a second. In fact, in many ways, I came here to Thailand to escape the "safety net." I could have chosen to go somewhere "safer," but I chose Thailand where I had no connection to anything. Indeed, my life felt too "safe," I wanted just this once in my life, to feel like I owed nothing to no one. Because, I have my entire life to have a safety net to catch me when I fall.

For those wondering what happened the other night, this is what happened... I was in the back of a truck, when a dog ran in front of it. My friend who was driving had to break very suddenly. As I was rummaging through my bag at that moment, not holding onto anything, I flew across to the front where my head crashed into a metal bar. I'm fine, on the recovery, a little concussion and some painkillers have done me wonders... ha.

The next day, the concussion was in full effect, I suddenly felt the desperate urge to be caught and wound up writing an email to my closest female friends who I consider a part of my safety net. In retrospect, I can see now that I just wanted to make sure it was still there, maybe at a distance, but still there. The next morning, my mother called me in hysterics after having received an alarming call from one of oldest and dearest friends who was very concerned. When I later checked my email, I noticed that nearly everyone had written back worried emails. These are friends from as far back as 20 years and as recent as about a year ago. It felt so good to know that they are all still there. A little reassurance never hurt anyone!

So, a concussion and a few painkillers later, I feel that now I am in a good place: I've accepted and am experimenting with the "no safety net" -ness, but at the same time, I know it is just an email away... and who knows, it might just happen for me in Thailand...?

Constitutional day - another day off!

So yes, I've had 2 days off in the last week. Not so shabby... My coordinator Charin asked me to join him and his family on day excursion to Doi Mae Salong, which was incredible. Mae Salong is a village up in the mountains on the Burmese border. It is famous for its tea business run by the Chinese. We made several pitstops as shown by the pictures below.



Hot springs...

Chiang Rai winter morning mist...

the orange grove where we stopped and took way too many pictures!

With Charin, his wife and his son's friend.

With Simon, and Fame (Charin's son) in the pick up truck!

On the temple balcony overlooking Burma...

Right there, that's Burma!

refueling!

Mae Salong from above.

We stopped at a tea plantation and again took way too many pictures!

She is standing up higher than me, and I still look HUGE!

Koh Samet - do you want to go to the seaside?

Last weekend, I had Friday off for the King's birthday and decide to travel far and wide. I took the overnight bus to Bangkok on Thursday night, met up with my friend Steve there, and he and I took a bus and a ferry to the lovely island of Koh Samet. Not much to be said about this except for the fact that I had an amazing time with Steve and running into other friends. I also forgot how much I love the ocean. It was a nice little prep for my trip down south to the islands with the family in 2 weeks, I cannot wait!!


Sipping blue margheritas on the beach...

On the ferry ride over with Steve.

Thawangpah - weekend retreat!

A couple weekends ago, I went to visit my friends who are teaching in a town called Thawangpah in the Nan province. Only one bus ventures out there from Chiang Rai a day, so my trip was short, but well worth it! In fact the bus ride in itself was an adventure. We cruised through the northern mountains, the road is infamous amongst northern Thais for car sickness. They hand out vomit bags on the bus and the girl sitting next to me on the way there threw up the entire way. The road is quite spectacular though. With my ipod on, I couldn't be happier. The way back was a bit more difficult as the bus was packed and I stood for 2 hours in the mountains. I learned to appreciate the beauty in that though after I told myself "Juliet, you are standing in a packed bus amongst Thais, high up in the mountains on the border of Thailand and Laos..!" I know that in a year when I'll be sitting in my cubicle in my 9 to 7 job (that is if I find a job), I will do anything to be standing on a bus in the Thai mountains!
The day spent in Thawangpa itself was lovely. My friend Marianne gave me the grand tour on her motorbike. That night, it was freezing, but we all went out to a nice dinner and warmed up to Tom Kha Gai soup and beer.



Attempting to capture bus ride home back!

Enjoying the Thai beer.

With Marianne in the rice paddies.

My little friend Luis

Little anectode:
As a fun little project to get my students more immersed in so-called American culture, my fellow foreign teachers and I decided to have our students choose American or foreign (fareng) names. My roommate googled the top 100 most popular names in the US. I guess it was not surprise when a good third of the names were "Alejandro, Pedro, Juan, Maria, Gabriela..." I should have taken these names off the list for confusion's sake, but out of laziness and perhaps interest I kept them on. A part of me was curious to see what names the children would gravitate towards. A few of my boys chose names like Angel and Alejandro. These children can't even pronounce American names, should I really go through the complicated explanation of explaning how to pronounce these names? I decided to just pronounce my Angel like angel, the English...to avoid such confusion. One of my boys has chosen the name Luis. When I asked him his name he said "lu-CY," after a minute or so of trying to figure out this boy's name I realized he had chosen Luis. When I told him how to pronounce Luis, he insisted "Lu-CY." At this point, I was doubled over in hysterics. The whole class started laughing, and although they had no idea why I was, it was a bonding moment with my class. How do I explain to them that the list of names I had them choose from was .... well ... not so American afterall? I did try to explain that Lucy was a girl's name, but the boy insisted on it. Apparently, he loves the name Lucy. Hey, I love Lucy too, so Lucy he will be!

The political situation and more...

So apparently there is political unrest in Thailand. I use the word "apparently" because I only know this through my daily NYTimes emails that I could receive anywhere in the world, from my mother's worried emails to me, or a comment written on this blog... seriously! Up here in Chiang Rai, I feel no difference... not yet at least. I hardly speak a word of Thai and barely understand, so it's likely this is why I don't hear much of it. Actually, I lie... our director talked to us about what was happening in Bangkok yesterday , "Bombs, airport..." was the gist, lots of smiling. I looked at him seriously, and asked verrrryyy slowly, "Is it dangerous?" He responded keeping the huge grin on his face, "Yes (high tone) dangerous in Bangkok." The smiling is the Thai way, but nothing here is ever that serious it seems. I spoke to my friend in Bangkok who seemed utterly unaffected.
I do feel like I should start looking into a Thai lesson, just so I don't feel so isolated all the time. Yesterday, I got a 2-hour Thai massage in an untouristy part of town. The masseuse tried to speak to me and taught me a few words (Thai massage and Thai lesson in one for $6, not bad). I really need to start learning. I hate never understanding anything. I've always felt that I could eventually make out what is being said to me... but this... no, Thai is a whole other ball game.
Not being able to communicate is one of the most isolating and hardest things I've gone through.
Since being here, being alone has taken a whole new meaning. There are a few foreigners in town to talk to, but I spend a lot of time writing in my journal, reading, going on long walks, or blogging ;) It's definitely an interesting test I have found myself in. I have gotten good at having conversations with myself, being introspective about life etc. Just as long as I don't go crazy... maybe this loneliness will propel me forward or be more transformative than expected. Who knows?

Where I Live...Surrounding Chiang Rai...

Last weekend, I stayed in Chiang Rai. My friend Bertrand who is a French tour guide took us around on Sunday. We saw the White Temple, below. This temple was built by a famous Thai artist who sounds slightly out of his mind. He's very grandiose and apparently quite hauty. I'll admit his art is pretty cool though... The mural inside the temple is divided into 2 parts, the good side and the evil side. On the evil side, you can find Bush, Bin Laden, Zidane and Materazzi, the Twin Towers in flames, Neo from the Matrix... the list goes on. On the good side, only famous Thai people. Westerners didn't make it there.... Interesting...

Houses in a REAL Akha village...

Self-portrait after my 2 1/2 hour walk last weekend by myself on Saturday :)

Loy Kraton

La Kraton is a festival in all of Thailand that happened last week. It was nearly a week of festivities. On Tuesday, there was a parade through Chiang Rai. On Wednesday, we had dinner with our coordinator and his family. We lit hot air balloons and let them fly away taking away all of our sins in the last year. We also bought kratons (flowers with candles on them) and let them float off in the river also taking away all the bad energy we needed to let go of.